Sleep Strategies for the New Parent: Months 2-3
Let me guess: You spent nine months becoming an expert on pregnancy and childbirth but forgot to read up on how to care for your newborn? The adrenaline and pain killers have worn off and a few sleepless nights have made you realize that so much of parenting revolves around sleep? This series will use the lens of sleep to guide you through the early days of motherhood. Grab some goals along the way so you can emerge unscathed from the fog of new parenthood.
MONTHS 2-3 Goal: Establish Structure and Habits
As you enter your third month of parenthood, put some thought into how you’ll structure baby’s day to facilitate healthy sleep habits. Develop a pre-sleep routine and launch into it when baby shows signs that she’s tired. Have fun playing with baby during the longer windows of wakefulness that emerge and reclaim a restful life as baby continues to consolidate sleep.
As much as possible, let sleep be a normal, predictable, peaceful part of the day rather than a sudden surprise. Kids like to know what’s coming next. Imagine how you would feel without being able to tell time!
Prepare their minds and bodies for sleep by establishing a bank of sleep cues you can draw upon as you wind down to a nap or bedtime. For instance, a bedtime routine could be to read a story, change a diaper, put on p.j.s, pull down the window shades, tuck into bed, say a prayer, turn on the sound machine, sing a lullaby, say a parting phrase like “sweet dreams,” give a kiss, and leave the room. You could reserve certain items for sleep time, such as pacifiers, lovies, security blankets, or swaddles so that your child associates these with sleep and will subconsciously switch into settle-down mode when surrounded with them. (A note on lovies: either buy a backup in case the original gets lost or encourage attachment to a couple lovies so if one goes missing, it isn’t a big deal.)
You can then tailor this bedtime routine to work for naps and travel. For example, if at bedtime you read three books but at nap time you only have time for one, that’s perfectly fine. It’s the snuggly reading time with a grownup that will signal to the child that it’s time to wind down for sleep. Or, let’s say you skip the pajamas for nap time. That’s OK because a swaddle or blanket familiar from bedtime could be the signal that nap time is also for sleeping. Even if you are on the go and can’t set up your usual sleep setting, you can at minimum say your phrase or hum a few bars of your lullaby to clue your child in.
Set up a sleep environment that can stay consistent throughout the sleep session. The environment that baby falls asleep in should be the same as what she would experience when waking up. This avoids the element of shock that would jolt her out of grogginess and make it more complicated to fall back asleep. The goal is for the child to be able to return to sleep readily and with little to no parent involvement.
So, if baby falls asleep in your arms listening to you sing a lullaby while rocking in a living room chair, then when she wakes up alone in a silent, dark room at 2 a.m. in a stationary crib without the warmth of your body, she will freak out. Instead, set baby down for sleep while she is drowsy but still awake so she will get used to falling asleep on her own. Of course, if baby has already fallen asleep, no need to wake her up just to turn right around and convince her to go back to sleep on her own. Just encourage solo drifting off whenever possible.
Many families find a baby monitor to be useful so they can check in on their little one without opening the bedroom door and disturbing the falling-asleep process. Teach patience by not rushing in at every little noise you hear or movement you see on the monitor. Give your child a chance to practice soothing herself. Once you head to bed, consider turning the volume down so the regular grunts and shuffling noises of baby peacefully hanging out in her crib don’t wake you up prematurely. Eventually, you can turn the monitor off altogether. If baby really needs you, her lungs will let you know.
It’s also OK for baby to wake up and play for a bit in her crib before you pop in to entertain her. Try dropping a few books or toys in the crib after baby wakes up to give yourself a few minutes to use the restroom or make your cup of coffee in peace. This alone time in the crib, whether asleep and awake, is great processing time. Babies spend so much of their energy growing and taking in all they experience in this brand-new world, they need time to chill. Crib time is when much of this growth happens and when their brains can sort through everything they saw, heard, touched, smelled and tasted while awake.
They also need to take in lots of nutritious milk to power growth. As a result, much of an infant’s time awake is spent eating. Make the most of lengthy feedings by using these minutes as skin-to-skin time. Whether you are feeding via breast or bottle, unbutton that onesie and let the skin on your arms or stomach make contact with baby’s skin. Baby will recognize your scent and be comforted. If baby’s eyes are open, gaze into them. Tickle baby’s toes. Sing and talk.
As a result of all this time sleeping and feeding, the actual window of time to “play” with baby or do some sort of activity is pretty short. Infants typically only handle one and-a-half to two hours of wakefulness before they start sending signals that they need to wind back down to sleep. Common time-to-sleep signals include crying (despite being full from a recent feeding), pulling on ears, twirling hair, rubbing eyes, yawning, fussing, staring off into the distance, and getting still.
The moment you catch a signal, launch into your pre-sleep routine. If you are out, decide whether to rush home in time to nap in the crib or opt for an outdoors stroller nap. As part of your decision making, know that baby may fall asleep on the way home and then wake up once he notices a shift in environment (such as a change in the noise level, temperature, or stroller motion) when you arrive and refuse to go back to sleep. An outdoors stroller nap can be useful if you need to run errands, pick up your other kids from school, or just want to stay outside to enjoy a beautiful day. You could use the time to make phone calls, catch up on emails, or do a stroller workout. The key is to be flexible, stocking your stroller with the snacks, attire, and other supplies to make either option flexible.
If it seems like your day consists of hopping from one nap to the next, take heart. Soon baby will start consolidating her cat naps into longer stretches of sleep. A predictable nap and nighttime sleep schedule is on the horizon!
Read the rest of the sleep series here:
MONTHS 0-1: Recover and Recreate Womb
MONTHS 1-2: Correct Night vs. Day Confusion
MONTHS 2-3: Establish Structure and Habits
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