A Teacher’s Slightly Outrageous Wish List for Teacher Appreciation Day

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Dear Parents,

With Teacher Appreciation Day upon us and the end of the school year just around the corner, I thought I’d make your job a little easier by sending home a wish list—just in case you get the urge to shower me with gifts I actually want. If each family takes a couple, we’ll have this list checked off in no time!

  1. Fresh-cut flowers—along with your promise to return next week to toss out the wilted blooms and clean the gunk out of my vase.
  2. A platter of baked goods that are simultaneously delicious and healthy.
  3. A Rosetta Stone so I can decipher your child’s scribbly handwriting.
  4. A color printer with gallons of ink and towers of paper.
  5. Noise-cancelling windows so I don’t have to lose my voice speaking over the din of traffic, construction and sirens.
  6. A parking spot directly in front of the school building and valet to handle the parallel parking.
  7. An assistant to grade mountains of student work, refresh my bulletin boards, keep disruptive students in check, and cover my class so I can visit the ladies’ room in peace.
  8. A photographer to snap flattering photos and video of me rockin’ my lesson.
  9. A value-size bag of strawberry lozenges to soothe my throat after the first week of school and parent-teacher conferences.
  10. A freshly laundered, fabulous teacher outfit to change into when coffee spills, paint splatters or rain soaks. Oh, and the shoes must be both stylish and comfy enough to stand in all day.
  11. Air freshener and a new rug to erase all trace of the throw-up incident.
  12. An apartment close enough to school that commuting is a breeze but far enough away to avoid the student paparazzi when I am off duty.
  13. A spacious teacher’s lounge stocked with my farmer’s market and comfort food favorites.
  14. A complete set of signed and alphabetized school forms so I don’t have to hound any parents.
  15. The perfect soundtrack of jams to set the tone for a peaceful, productive and cheerful day in our classroom.

But if that’s too much to ask, bring on the kiddos with their home-made cards that are sure to melt my heart!

Sincerely,

Your Child’s Teacher

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